This
is Cathy’s daughter Meghan. This will be my mom’s last post. But I wanted to
give everyone an update on my mom and let everyone who reads this know how much
you all meant to her.
Christmas was
awesome; mom got out of the house and got to see everyone open his or her
Christmas gifts. Family and friends surrounded her all day. It will forever be
my favorite Christmas. She got a Henna Heals “gift certificate” from me and a
weekend away in Toronto, CA unfortunately she was never able to use the gift,
but she loved it when she opened it.
New Years Eve was
another fun one for mom. Although she didn’t make it to midnight Lynn and her
had seafood and just hung out with each other. I was out with friends since I
was 21 I could finally go out and enjoy time not at home with the parents
<wink>.
Chemo wise her
numbers got down to the mid 700s. And I cannot even begin to explain how
exciting that was to hear! Those were so low and so close to being considered
in “remission” (in quotes because my moms remission numbers were much higher
than a “normal” persons CA-125s). I think she was really excited too. Her nose
problems had pretty much stopped; even though she was still having lung
problems we all thought we were so close to the end.
Her lung problems
got worse so she went to see a pulmonary doctor to set up an appointment to
have a chest tube in to help expand her lung out. As all things have been the
past three years it wasn’t a simple surgery, her lung was stuck to her plural
lining, making it harder than it was originally planned. She had the tube put
in. She was at the hospital for a just a little over a week. She was finally
discharged to come home (much to the boy cats happiness). She did her walking
around the house religiously and wrote down how much liquid was in her
container to tell the nurse that came over. She was still coughing a lot and it
was hard to watch her go through everything. I cannot honestly tell you what
was going on in her head during that period. I want to say she was positive and
thought this was near the end. But, I think she was scared just like everyone
else was. She talked to me at one point about everything asked me how I was
doing with school and everything with her. I was completely honest with her
that I was scared but I knew she was going to get through it. She told me she
was scared and frustrated because of all the things she could no longer do
without being winded. At that point I wish I could have given her a break, take
her spot and let her rest and not have to worry about anything. But I couldn’t
so I did everything I could to make her happy and not let her think about it
and make sure anything she wanted was at the house whenever she wanted it.
After all of that
she was readmitted into the hospital for labored breathing. We found out that
the Peritoneal Cancer had become active in her lung lining. So she was going to
get ready to start chemo again. But then things had taken a turn for the worst.
She had to go to the ICU because she was in respiratory distress and I have
never seen my mom in so much pain. As a daughter it was the hardest thing I
have ever seen, or so I thought. A day or so later (all the days have been
blurring) mom said that she wanted comfort care. So, since that day she has
been comfortable and in and out of sleeping.
My mom is the
strongest woman I know, and I couldn’t be happier that I got to spend 21 years
with the most amazing woman in the world (I may be bias). But watching her
suffer is the worst thing a daughter can ever watch her mom have to go through.
It puts you through so much and the tears just don’t stop sometimes. I want her
to stay here with me for all the selfish reasons in the world; there is so much
she is going to miss in my life like my graduation ceremony in May of this
year. More importantly I am going to miss her like crazy.
My mom loved
writing this blog. I think it helped get her through everything that was thrown
her way. She knew she had people around the world that would read this blog.
Every time a new country looked at her blog I was informed by my mom who was
generally acting more like a five year old. She started writing down all the
countries that looked at her posts. She also got excited about all the people
that read her blog. I would get updates on how many views she had that week or
since her last post. This was her pride and joy, (besides me obviously). She
wrote to help others with whatever they were going through and she was always
so surprised when someone told her she was an inspiration or an amazing woman.
It was humbling seeing my mom go through everything she was and did and still
had time to listen to me complain about school and boys and work and she would
still give me the best mom advice a girl could ask for.
I cannot thank
the people in her life that were always there for us enough. And this blog was
how she got everything out, this is how I figured out what was going on in my
moms head. I would read the parts where she mentioned me and I would tear up,
now those posts just make me cry.
All I ask from
everyone who has been reading this is that you help me keep my mom alive in
your thoughts and in your actions.
And I want to
thank you all again for giving her a lot of happiness throughout the tougher
times, and for letting her know how amazing she was. Because she always was,
even if she was surprised to hear it from someone else.
She will be loved
and she will be missed, but more importantly she will always be remembered!
